Why Your Team Sucks 2014: New York Giants

Some people are fans of the New York Giants. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the New York Giants. This 2014 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group.
Your team: New York Giants. And I'm just gonna go ahead now and tell you that this preview will be extremely half-assed. I did the Skins and Pats on Tuesday, and I hate those two teams more than I hate anything. The Giants are the sad gray sherbet that follows that hate feast. They are the palate cleanser.
Your 2013 record: 7-9, featuring an 0-6 start. Their first win came against Josh Freeman, who played the entire game from a therapist's couch. Was Eli shut out twice last season? You know he was. According to Wikipedia, "The Giants became the first team in NFL history to have a fi…